ChicagoSmarts.com Blog

Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, Rush Lead Pack Of Great Artists Coming To Chicago in 2012

Chicago is the place to be if you love live music. Several big time acts have scheduled tour stops in the Windy City for 2012. Fans will have the chance to buy concert tickets to see an iconic band from the 1960s, the Queen of Pop, The Boss, and a legendary prog rock trio from a strange, faraway land called “Canada.” With a little luck, Chicagoans will also get another chance to see the city’s own Wilco (their September is fairly much wide open). Below, ChicagoSmarts looks at seven of the biggest tours scheduled to stop in ChiTown in the coming months. We suggest you make plans to see all of the following Chicago concerts.

The Beach Boys
The Beach Boys are celebrating their 50th anniversary in 2012 with a tour of North America (and probably a new album). Founding member Brain Wilson is back in the fray and scheduled to be at all 64 shows—he hasn’t played with the band since 1996. The Beach Boys will hang ten at the Chicago Theatre on May 21 & 22.

Brad Paisley
Country music fans in the Windy City need to circle June 9 on their calendars. That’s when Brad Paisley comes to Chicago to perform at Wrigley Field. It will be the second country music concert ever held at the National League’s oldest ballpark. Opening for Paisley will be a small army of great performers: Miranda Lambert, Jerrod Niemann, Chris Young, and The Band Perry.

Barry Manilow
Barry Manilow was supposed to play three nights at the Chicago Theatre back in early February but he wasn’t “hip enough” (Get it? He was still recovering from hip surgery). The dates have been rescheduled for July 12, 13, & 14. Manilow is still supporting his latest album, 15 Minutes, which dropped in June of 2011.

Bruce Springsteen
The second leg of Springsteen’s “Wrecking Ball Tour” kicks off Aug. 18 in Boston and ends Sept. 22 in New Jersey (10 stops total). Chicago welcomes Bruce Springsteen to Wrigley Field for a highly anticipated two-night stand beginning Sept. 7. Originally, just one show was scheduled, but he added another (Sept. after the first one sold out in less than an hour.

Rush
This fall, progressive rock pioneers Rush are touring behind their 20th original album, Clockwork Angels. The band has already played two tracks from their new opus in concert. During their 2010-2011 “Time Machine Tour,” the trio performed “Caravan” and “BU2B.” Rush’s show at Chicago’s United Center on Sept. 15 is the 5th of 30 scheduled dates.

Madonna
Chicago collects Madonna tickets at the United Center on Sept. 19 & 20. The stops are part of her massive “MDNA World Tour.” The Madge is still riding high from her Super Bowl halftime show. More than 114 million people tuned in to see the Material Girl perform. It’s the most watched event in American TV history.

Carrie Underwood
Carrie Underwood is touring behind her fourth original album, Blown Away. The current “Queen of Country Music” begins her 2012 trek on Sept. 14 in Manchester, New Hampshire. It ends more than 50 dates later on Dec. 22 in Sunrise, Florida. Carrie Underwood, and her opening act Hunter Hayes, visit Chicago and the United Center on Dec. 12.

Chicago Blackhawks Heading To Another Stanley Cup Finals

Everyone at ChicagoSmarts is a huge puck fan and of course our favorite team (without exception) is the Chicago Blackhawks. The 2011-2012 NHL season is only a quarter of the way thorough but we are already excited about our team’s prospects to win their second Stanley Cup in three years. After 20 games, the Hawks have 27 points, they sit atop the Central Division, and are one of the top scoring teams in the league.

Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with us. Apparently, we’re more confident about Patrick Kane, Jonathan Towes, Marian Hossa, and company than a lot of other hockey fans. It seems Blackhawk naysayers are well represented and exist all over hockey-dom. Wanting to set the record straight, we’ve consolidated their main arguments against the Blackhawks down to three and then we’ve repudiated each one. If, after reading our logical and well-thought out rebuttals you still think the Blackhawks will come up short this year then we have only one thing to say: you must be a Detroit Red Wings fan.

1. Big Losses Against Bad Teams
On Nov. 19, the Blackhawks were pummeled by the Calgary Flames, 5-2. Earlier in the month they were blanked by the St. Louis Blues, 3-0. Then in late October they were blanked by the Carolina Hurricane, 3-0. All those teams are either at, or near, the bottom of the standings. While the Edmonton Oilers are a solid team, they are nowhere near as good as their 9-2 victory over the Hawks. Good teams, teams that win Stanley Cups, take care of business in the regular season when facing the league’s lesser opponents.

Rebuttal:
Championships aren’t won in October or November. Besides, who thinks the Flames, Blues, or Hurricanes can defeat the Blackhawks in the Stanley Cup Playoffs (provided they qualify) or even the Oilers? Over the course of a season all good teams drop a few games to bad clubs. Nonetheless, the Blackhawks do have quality wins at the Florida Panthers and at the Vancouver Canucks.

2. Defense Struggles In Own Zone
Ever since winning the 2010 Stanley Cup, the Blackhawks have had one glaring weakness: defending around the net. It’s why bad teams are able to defeat them and it’s why they are destined for a short playoff run. To be kind, we won’t even mention the fact that they are the second worst team in the league when it comes to killing penalties. Fans are betting on the team acquiring a top-notch defender before the trade deadline (the franchise has even alluded to it) but blue-liners are extremely hard to acquire. Blackhawks supporters shouldn’t hold their breath.

Rebuttal:
Yes, the Blackhawks have trouble down-low, but it’s not as bad as you think. The team has four good defensemen, including Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook, but unfortunately they don’t have a legitimate number-one blue-liner. Their defense can score however. In fact, the entire team can find the back of the net. Heading into December, Chicago is one of the NHL’s top scoring teams. In their first 20 games they’ve scored five or more goals, seven times. Their offense can, and will, bail out their “D.”

3. Lack Of Quality Goaltending
The Blackhawks goaltenders, Corey Crawford and Ray Emery, don’t do enough to bail out the porous defenders playing in front of them. Additionally, both Chicago net minders let in far too many weak goals. It’s true that a hot goaltender can carry just about any team to the Stanley Cup Finals but do Blackhawk fans really want to pin their hopes on the off chance that Crawford or Emery will magically catch fire come April and May?

Rebuttal:
Can’t argue with the easy ones Crawford and Emery have let through nor can you say much about the team being in the bottom third of the NHL in save percentage. You have to keep in mind that the Blackhawks are not the Minnesota Wild or Los Angeles Kings. They don’t win by keeping their opponents off the scoreboard, they win by lighting up the scoreboard—they are the Toronto Maple Leafs of the Western Conference. Chicago’s goalies don’t need to stop everything they just need to be better than what they’ve been playing. That is definitely something that can, and will, improve come playoff time.

Conclusion
The Chicago Blackhawks aren’t a complete team like the Boston Bruins or the Florida Panthers but they are still a very good team (despite the naysayers). They may have a few holes here and there but it’s not even January. Everything that’s wrong with this club can be fixed before the start of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. If general manager Stan Bowman trades for a quality blue-liner—especially one that can kill penalties—then the Western Conference better watch out. The Blackhawks would be the odds on favorites to reach the Stanley Cup Finals. Maybe that will silence their critics.

Roger Waters: The Wall Live Returning To North America, Chicago In 2012

Pink Floyd’s The Wall is a great album but its best heard live in concert.

Yet, before 2010 The Wall had only been performed live 32 times—31 of those performances came during the band’s 1980-1981 tour and the 32nd came in 1990 to celebrate the fall of the Berlin Wall.

That all changed last year in mid-September when Roger Waters, the creative force behind the studio album, launched a massive world tour called The Wall Live.

It’s an ambitious undertaking; the tour is said to cost $60 million. It’s a visual and technical marvel that uses the latest visual, audio, and lighting technology. It’s also making money hand over fist. In 2010, The Wall Live tickets sold so well that it was North America’s second highest grossing tour.

The Wall Live began in Toronto and stayed on the continent for another 56 concerts. Then it was off to Europe for 64 more shows. After that, Waters took The Wall to Oceania and South America. When it was all said and done The Wall Live was one of the world’s top live events.

During an appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Pink Floyd’s legendary bassist confirmed that he’s returning to North America in 2012 for another leg of The Wall tour.

The logic behind next year’s route is to visit markets missed the first time around and to play Saturday night shows at baseball stadiums. Hitherto, The Wall Live has been played indoors in theaters.

Waters has told reporters that the outdoor version of The Wall will feature a screen that’s 1,500 pixels wide. Waters has done test projections at several light-polluted baseball stadiums and discovered the technique will work outside. He conducted trials at Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, and Yankee Stadium.

Even though Waters hasn’t released an itinerary for his 2012 North American leg, it’s pretty obvious that he’ll be selling Roger Waters Chicago tickets for a show at Wrigley.

Fans should also count on Roger Waters Boston tickets and Roger Waters New York tickets.

When Waters wraps his second North American leg he will have been on the road with The Wall for two years. Promoters want Waters to go back to Europe but he doesn’t think he’ll have energy.

Furthermore, Waters thinks this will be his last big outing. He doesn’t want to go back out on the road for a “greatest hits” trek so any touring he does after The Wall Live wraps will likely be theatrical rock shows in a small arenas.

If Waters does launch another tour, look for him at The Chicago Theatre, not Soldier Field.

As mentioned earlier, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon scheduled an entire week’s worth of performances dedicated to the music of Pink Floyd (Sept. 26 – 30). The week also included interviews with Nick Mason (Monday) and Roger Waters (Tuesday). The highlight of the series was Waters performing “In the Flesh” with Foo Fighters.

The week-long extravaganza coincided with the (marketing) campaign “Why Pink Floyd?” That’s the name given to the remastering of Pink Floyd’s 14 studio albums. The collection dropped Sept. 27.

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon “Pink Floyd Tribute Week”
Monday
The Shins — “Breathe” from The Dark Side of the Moon

Tuesday
Foo Fighters & Roger Waters — “In the Flesh” from The Wall

Wednesday
MGMT — “Lucifer Sam” from The Piper at the Gates of Dawn

Thursday
Dierks Bentley — “Wish You Were” from Wish You Were Here

Friday
Pearl Jam — “Mother” from The Wall

Top Ten Best Restaurants Near Soldier Field

The Chicago Bears are the NFL’s third oldest franchise and they play at Soldier Field, the league’s oldest football stadium. The venerated venue opened on Oct. 9, 1924 as Municipal Grant Park Stadium but it changed its name to “Soldier Field” a little more than a year later. As of 2011, the stadium has hosted four NFC Championship Games—the Bears have won two of them.

Soldier Field is located in an area of the Windy City known as the South Side. The stadium butts up against Lake Shore Drive although its official address is 1410 South Museum Campus Drive. East of the arena is Northerly Island Park while directly north is the famous Field Museum. McCormick Place, an exposition and convention facility, resides to the south.

To the west of Soldier Field are several great restaurants; these are perfect places to go before Bears game. To help you choose from the myriad of dining options, ChicagoSmarts has compiled a list of the ten best restaurants near Soldier Field. Our top ten list can’t ensure a Bears victory but it can guarantee a great meal before kickoff.

Bongo Room
1152 S. Wabash Ave.
773-489-0690
Distance From Soldier Field: 1 mile
You really can’t go to the Bongo Room after the Bears game, or when they play on Sunday or Monday nights, because the restaurant closes at 2:30pm. However, if you want a great breakfast, brunch, or lunch before the Bears take the field then run—don’t walk—to the Bongo Room. Besides great early-day victuals the Bongo Room also serves terrific morning cocktails.

Yolk
1120 S. Michigan Ave.
312-789-9655
Distance From Soldier Field: 1 mile

Voted Chicago’s top breakfast restaurant, Yolk is the perfect place for fans to begin game day. One of the Loop’s top eating destinations regardless of the time of day, Yolk prides itself on its “creative” breakfast dishes. Their menu includes a variety of omelets, skillets, and frittatas as well as freshly squeezed strawberry-orange juice. Yolk is famous for its eggs Benedict.

The Chicago Firehouse
1401 S. Michigan Ave.
312-786-1401
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.1 miles

The historic Chicago Firehouse is located in an actual firehouse that was built in 1905. This upscale restaurant offers delicious American cuisine like New York strip, pork chops, and boneless rib eye. Other tasty treats on the menu include soup, salad, and pastas. As for cocktails, we recommend the Moscow Mule, the Southloop Sidecar, and/or their patented Firehouse 75.

Eleven City Diner
1112 S. Wabash Ave.
312-212-1112
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.1 miles

The Eleven City Diner pays homage to the family dining room and to Jewish delicatessens. Besides a delectable corned beef sandwich, the Eleven City Diner also provides soda jerk, pie, and cake services. While magically whisking visitors away to New York City, the Eleven City Diner gives Bears fan a chance to enjoy a scrumptious meal at relatively inexpensive prices.

Flo & Santos
1310 South Wabash Avenue
312-566-9817
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.1 miles
Flo and Santos delight Bears supporters with “tavern style” pizza, potato pancakes, kielbasa, and its Chicagoland-famous pierogies. Patrons and critics all rave about Flo & Santos appetizers. You can make a meal out of their Asian ribs and waffle fries. When the Bears are on the road, visit Flo & Santos to watch the game on their eight flat screen televisions and their gigantic 90-inch HD projection screen.

Gioco
1312 S. Wabash Ave.
312-939-3870
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.1 miles
Encompassing two adjacent buildings in Chicago’s South Loop, Gioco offers some of the best Italian food in the city. Delectable dishes on Gioco’s menu include wood-fired thin crust pizzas, homemade pastas, and osso bucco. Inside Gioco you’ll find a walk-in safe built directly into the wall. It was once used by Chicagoland gangsters Al Capone and George “Bugs” Moran.

Zapatista Cuisines of Mexico
1307 S. Wabash Ave.
312-435-1307
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.1 miles
Enjoy some delicious Mexican food before the Monsters of the Midway make mincemeat out of their opponents. Situated on South Wabash Avenue, Zapatista serves patrons both traditional and modern Mexican dishes. Widely regarded as one of the Windy City’s best Mexican restaurants, Zapatista specializes in made-to-order guacamole and fajitas.

Lou Malnati’s Pizzeria
805 S. State St.
312-786-1000
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.3 miles
There are more than 30 Lou Malnati’s Pizzerias in the greater-Chicago area but the restaurant on South State Street is the closest one to Soldier Field. The Bears are a quintessential part of Chicago and so is deep-dish pizza. That dish is exactly what Malnati’s is famous for serving. In addition to delicious Chicago-Style pizza, Malnati’s also prepares awesome thin-crust pizza and chicken sandwiches.

Weather Mark Tavern
1503 S. Michigan Ave.
312-588-0230
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.3 miles
Despite the name, the Weather Mark Tavern is fun for the whole family. At this establishment’s Sunday brunch kids eat free. The Weather Mark Tavern also has some of the best buffalo and chicken wings in the city. This restaurant is completely decked out in a nautical theme with charming exposed brick and inviting lush hardwoods. After 10:30pm WMT becomes a 21-and-over establishment.

M Lounge
1520 S. Wabash Ave.
312-447-0201
Distance From Soldier Field: 1.4 miles
Before heading over to the excitement and energy of Soldier Field experience the coolness of M Lounge. Furnished with plush couches and low-slung chairs, M Lounge features a handsome 28-foot long walnut bar. Often featuring live jazz music, M Lounge serves a plethora of specialty martinis, non-alcoholic cocktails, and Italian coffees.

Chicago Bears: 2011 NFL Season Preview

The 2011 NFL offseason has been all about big acquisitions.

The Philadelphia Eagles signed Nnamdi Asomugha. The Arizona Cardinals traded for Kevin Kolb. The New England Patriots landed two superstars in Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco.

For the Chicago Bears, the offseason has been all about one big loss. The team released the heart and soul of their offense, center Olin Kreutz.

With the six-time Pro Bowler gone (he’s now in New Orleans), Roberto Garza will move from right guard to center. Can he make the proper reads like the 34-year-old Kreutz? The Bears’ brass sure hopes he can.

With Garza now at center, 305-pound Lance Louis gets reinstated as the team’s right guard. He played that position for four games last season before being replaced by Edwin Williams. Playing next to him at right tackle will be rookie Gabe Carimi. He’s the Bears’ 2011 first round draft choice.

When Carimi was drafted out of Wisconsin he was probably looking forward to playing alongside Kreutz and Garza. Unfortunately for him, the Bears have taken that luxury away.

At left guard is another first round draft selection (2008), Chris Williams. He’ll be the only Bear playing the same position on the offensive line as the year before. Manning the all important left tackle spot is J’Marcus Webb. He played right tackle in 2011 and benefited greatly from being next to the dynamic duo of Kreutz and Garza.

Obviously, the Bears are entering the 2011 season with a revamped O-line—a unit that was fairly consistent throughout the 2010 season. So why did the Bears jettison that consistency by getting rid of Kreutz, a 14-year veteran? Certainly money was a factor (the Bears are notorious for being cheap), but more than likely it was because the franchise believes in offensive line coach, Mike Tice.

During his five seasons with the Minnesota Vikings, Tice saw five of his offensive linemen go to 10 Pro Bowls—four of those behemoths went to Hawaii for the first time in their careers. Super Bowl winning coach Brian Billick said Tice’s coaching job with the Bears last season was one of the greatest he’s ever seen.

‘‘I have five guys in there starting,’’ barked Tice. ‘‘Unless they falter, that’s who’s opening the season against Atlanta. Right now I’m not seeing that falter. What I’m seeing right now is ¬improvement every day. That’s what I’m looking for.

‘‘Now if something happens in the game against Buffalo [Saturday at Soldier Field]—somebody doesn’t step up to the plate because of the added pressure of the game, then we have to create something. But right now I don’t see that. I don’t feel that either.’’

To recap, working from left to right tackle, the Bears starting O-line is Webb, Williams, Garza, Louis, and Carimi.

The Bears did make some additions to their roster. They signed three former Dallas Cowboys: running back Marion Barber and wide receivers Roy Williams and Sam Hurd. The team also acquired tight end Matt Spaeth.

All the comings and goings mean besieged quarterback Jay Cutler will have a lot of new faces to deal with as he tries to wash the taste out of everyone’s mouth of his performance in last season’s NFC Championship game (he threw three interceptions before being “knocked out” of the contest).

Cutler may have earned a reputation for quitting, and being inconsistent, but he does work hard and he does have one of the best football minds in the game coaching him, offensive coordinator Mike Martz. Clearly, he can win in the league it’s just a matter of can he win the big one.

Last season, the Monsters of the Midway ended their campaign with a humiliating loss to the eventual Super Bowl Champions Green Bay Packers. So far in the 2011 offseason, at least on paper, the franchise has done nothing to increase their chances of making it all the way to the “Big Game.”

Since Lovie Smith has taken over as head coach, the Bears, with their stout defense and solid special teams, are always a couple of return touchdowns away from going 11-5 and winning their division. This season is no different.

Getting Around In Chicago

Like most big cities in America, it’s fairly easy to get around in Chicago. Travelers have several types of dependable and convenient transportation systems at their disposal. These modes of travel range from the famous “L” system of train lines to Chicago car services to water taxis. And of course there’s always walking and bicycling.

Chicago is served by two airports, O’Hare International and Midway International. O’Hare is located on the northwest edge of the city while Midway is situated southwest of the downtown area. The city’s public transportation is overseen by the Chicago Transit Authority or CTA. They have an in-depth and thorough Web site, transitchicago.com, which provides travelers with schedules and other useful information. You can also call them at 1-888-Your CTA.

Below, Chicago Smarts looks at all the various ways you can get from point A to point B in the Windy City. Make sure you read each section because you never know which mode of transportation you might need during your trip to Chicago. Chances are good that you’ll use them all.

The ‘L’
You’ll sometimes see this rapid transit system referred to as the “El” but its official name is the ‘L.’ It’s a reference to the phrase “elevated train” although the ‘L’ also runs at street level and below ground. Operated by the CTA, the ‘L’ is the second longest rapid transit system in the United States after the New York City Subway. There are eight color coded rail lines that connect Chicago’s downtown area to residential neighborhoods and both airports. It costs about $2 to ride the ‘L’ and you can purchase tickets at vending machines located at each station.

Trains and Buses
Also operated by the CTA, Chicago’s trains and buses provide residents and visitors with dependable and affordable transportation. Trains are a great way to get from the city to the suburbs and that includes neighborhoods in Indiana and Wisconsin. Trains arrive and depart from one of four stations: Union, LaSalle, Millennium, and the Ogilvie Transportation Center. As for buses, they run regularly throughout the downtown area. Bus stops are well marked with blue and white signs.

Taxi
Taxis are relatively easy to find in downtown Chicago although they’re few and far between in neighborhoods and some outlying areas. All Chicago taxis are licensed and should have a numbered metal medallion fixed to their hood. At the time of writing this article taxis charge $2.25 for a fare and then $.20 for each 1/9 of a mile. An extra passenger will cost you $1 and then it’s $.50 for every additional member of your party. Depending on gas prices, you may be charged an extra $1 for fuel. To take a taxi from one of Chicago’s airports to downtown, or vice versa, expect to pay around $30 from Midway and $40 from O’Hare.

Water Taxi
Using a water taxi is one of the most enjoyable, as well as one of the most scenic ways to get around in Chicago. The city’s two main water taxi services are Chicago and Shoreline. These two seasonal ferry services operate on the Chicago River and they take passengers to places like the Magnificent Mile, River North Arts District, Sears Tower, the Museum Campus, Navy Pier, and Chinatown. A typical ride will cost you anywhere from $2 to $13. For a full schedule, visit either water taxi services’ Web site.

Car Service
Using a Chicago car service, like a limousine or town car, is a great way to get around the city while leaving the hassle of driving to someone else. If you want to rent a car there are a couple of things you should know about driving in Chicago. One, it is best not to drive during Chicago’s rush hour periods—7am to 9:30am and 4pm to 7pm. Also, obey all parking signs. If you park illegally in Chicago you’ll get a ticket, or worse, you’ll get your vehicle towed. It’s also recommended that you carry around a roll of quarters to feed parking meters. As with most big cities, Chicago drivers have a reputation for being aggressive. So if you plan on driving in Chicago keep your head on a swivel and be prepared for anything.

Walking
Walking is a great option if you’re visiting the “The Loop” or Michigan Avenue. When the weather turns walkers usually take to the Pedway. That’s a series of tunnels, concourses, and skywalks that connect dozens of stores, hotels, and train stations in Chicago’s central business district. Places of interests along the Pedway include Millennium Park, Chase Tower, Aqua, the Richard J. Daley Bicentennial Plaza, and Macy’s.

Bicycles
Chicago is one of the best bicycling cities in America. Chi-Town contains over 100 miles of bike lanes, 50 miles of bike paths, and more than 10,000 bike racks. The CTA permits bicycles to be taken on their trains and all of their buses are fitted with bike racks. You can also rent bicycles at various places throughout the cities including businesses at Navy Pier, Millennium Park, and North Avenue Beach.

Five Hilarious Chicago Veterinarian Jokes

Finding a quality veterinarian can be a daunting task. It’s especially difficult when Fido or Fluffy are in need of urgent medical care. That’s why ChicagoSmarts suggests you find a vet long before you actually need one.

For the name of a good Chicago veterinarian we recommend asking friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers. If they can’t help you try asking humane societies, pet groomers, and kennels. Those working with animals on a regular basis generally know the best places to take your pets.

Once you have a viable candidate, schedule a time to visit their clinic. During your tour make sure their facility is clean and comfortable. You’ll also want to gage the overall mood of the staff and interview the vet—make sure they’re the type of professional you want taking care of your beloved pet.

Selecting a vet can be very stressful, arduous, and time consuming. To help you get through it, we’ve compiled five jokes involving Chicago veterinarians. Hopefully, these jokes will make you laugh before the vet bill makes you cry.

The Vet Bill
A man brings his dog into a South Loop animal hospital. The dog looks dead but the veterinarian says he’s just passed out and will wake up in a few minutes. The man refuses to believe the doctor and demands the vet do something.

After calming the man down, the vet leaves the room and returns with a cat. The vet sets the kitty down next to the passed out dog. The cat walks around the unconscious pup a few times, sniffs him all over, and then meows.

“See, the cat thinks your dog fainted too,” proclaims the vet.

The man doesn’t believe the cat. He continues to berate the Chicago veterinarian and demands another opinion.

Not wanting to argue with the distraught pet owner, the vet agrees to get a third opinion. After ducking out for a few minutes, the veterinarian returns with a Labrador retriever. The Labrador sniffs, licks, paws, and even lies down next to the passed out dog. A few moments later, the Labrador barks at the vet.

“The Labrador agrees with the cat. Your dog has passed out,” says the vet.

With the man on the verge of blowing his top, the vet leaves the room to take the Labrador retriever back to his kennel. Right after the vet comes back the man’s passed out dog wakes, jumps to his feet, and runs into the reception area.

“I told you, he was just passed out. Now that will be $850,” explains the vet.

“What do you mean $850? You didn’t do anything!” shouts the man.

“I know, my exam is only $50 but it’s $800 for the cat scan and lab tests.”

Vet Visits Doctor
Feeling under the weather, a vet from the Gold Coast-area of Chicago decides to see her doctor.

Before the examination starts, the vet’s doctor asks her a long series of questions about a myriad of health related topics. After about ten minutes of answering the doctor’s inquires, the vet gets very annoyed.

“Hey, enough with the questions! I’m a Chicago veterinarian and I can tell what’s wrong with my patients just by looking at them. I don’t need to ask them any questions. What can’t you do the same thing?”

A wry smile appears on the doctor’s face. She calmly writes a prescription and then hands it to the exasperated vet.

“Here, try this,” says the doctor. “Of course if that doesn’t work we’ll have to put you down.”

A Dog’s Best Friend
A woman rushes into a Lincoln Park vet’s office in a panic. After calming her down, the vet asks the woman what’s wrong.

“My husband and my dog have become inseparable. They do everything together. I’m getting worried.”

“Ma’am, if your husband thinks he’s a dog you should see a psychiatrist not a Chicago dog and cat clinic,” explains the doctor.

“You don’t understand,” explains the woman. “My husband doesn’t think he’s a dog my dog thinks he’s a man. They do everything together. They work together. They eat together. They go to the bathroom together. Heck, they even go to bed at the same time.”

“Ma’am, that’s amazing,” says the astounded vet. “You’re dog must be incredibly smart.”

“That’s the problem,” cries the woman. “My dog is too smart. Unlike my husband, my dog can tell when I’m lying about having a headache.”

Sick Puppy
Early one morning a Chicago veterinarian is called upon to examine a pooch that was having trouble eating and keeping food down. The dog was owned by a young bickering couple who said they had left the dog alone the night before.

The vet x-rayed the animal and discovered something large inside his stomach. Since the dog would be unable to “pass” the object, the vet induced vomiting. After a serious hurling session, the dog finally puked up the offending obstruction. Curious, the vet picked the black and silver piece of cloth off the floor. After examining it for a moment the vet realized it was a pair of panties adorned with a White Sox logo.

The vet placed the article of clothing in a bag and then went out to tell the squabbling couple the good news—their dog was okay. Yet, as soon as the vet showed the wife the panties she slapped her husband, screamed that she wanted a divorce, and stormed out of the Chicago veterinary hospital.

“I take it the underwear your dog swallowed doesn’t belong to your wife?” asked the shocked vet.

“Yeah, but that’s not why she’s mad. She’s a Cubs fan.”

Cats On The Roof
After a hard day at work a cat veterinarian returns to his home in Archer Heights. His lovely wife is waiting for him with a stiff martini and a candle-lit dinner. After a very nice meal, the vet and his wife retire to their bedroom.

About 15 minutes later the phone rings.

“Hello?” snaps the vet.

“Is this the home of Chicago’s best cat veterinarian?” asks a distressed old lady over the phone.

“It is. Do you have an emergency, ma’am?”

“I believe so,” uttered the old lady. “There’s a large bunch of cats on my roof and they are making a tremendous noise. They are so loud that I can’t fall asleep. Is there anything I can do to get them to stop?”

Without missing a beat the vet says, “Of course there is. Stick your head out the window and yell to the cats that they’re wanted on the phone.”

“Really,” questions the old lady. “That will stop them from fooling around?”

“It should,” snaps the vet. “It stopped me.”

Chicago’s Derrick Rose Youngest To Win MVP: A Look At Other NBA Greats At His Age

After dazzling fans at the United Center all season, the NBA awarded Chicago Bulls guard Derrick Rose with its 2010-2011 Most Valuable Player Award. Not only did Rose lead Chicago to the top seed in the Eastern Conference, and the best overall record in the NBA at 62-20, but he also became just the seventh player in NBA history to average at least 25 points, 7.5 assists, and 4.0 rebounds a game.

Even more impressive than Rose’s stats is his age. He doesn’t turn 23 until Oct. 4. That means at 22 years and 7 months Rose is the youngest player to ever win the NBA’s MVP Award.

Rose’s accomplishment got ChicagoSmarts thinking about other NBA MVPs and what they were doing when they were 22 years and 7 months. Below, we take at look at 10 former and one future MVPs to see what they were doing at Rose’s age. The results range from winning championships to struggling to get playing time.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (6x MVP)
DOB: April 16, 1947
In November of 1969, when Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was 22 years and 7 months, he was still known as Lew Alcindor. He had just been the first pick in both the 1969 NBA and ABA Drafts (he eventually signed with the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks because they offered him more money). Also t this time, Alcindor was establishing himself as one of the NBA’s top players. He would go on to finish second in the league in scoring (28.8) and third in rebounding (14.5). Not only did Alcindor win Rookie of the Year honors but he completely turned around the Bucks franchise. The season prior, the Bucks finished 27-55. With Alcindor in the lineup they finished 56-26. The Bucks advanced to the division finals but lost to the New York Knicks in five games. The next year, Alcindor was named both league MVP and Finals MVP. Then the day after leading the Bucks to their first ever NBA title he changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Larry Bird (3x MVP)
DOB: Dec. 7, 1956
Larry Bird turned 22 years and 7 months in July of 1979. His college days had just ended and his legendary career in the NBA was months away from starting. His last college game was the NCAA Championship where his Indiana State Sycamores were defeated by Magic Johnson and the Michigan State Spartans. Bird had been drafted by the Boston Celtics in 1978 and his first year with the team (1979-1980) he made the All-Star Team, the All-NBA First Team, and won Rookie of the Year honors. Bird led the Celtics to the best record in the NBA (61-21) while leading them in scoring, rebounding, steals, and minutes played. The C’s did make it all the way to the Eastern Conference Finals but were defeated by the Philadelphia 76′ers in five games. Had Bird and the Celtics advanced to the NBA Finals they would have faced Magic Johnson and the Los Angeles Lakers.

Kobe Bryant (1x MVP)
DOB: Aug. 23, 1978
In February of 2001, when Kobe Bryant was becoming 22 years and 7 months old, he was winding down a season where he averaged 28.5 points a game and led the Los Angeles Lakers in assists with 5.0 a game. He would eventually be named to the ALL-NBA Second Team and the All-NBA Defensive Second Team. In the postseason, Bryant helped Shaq and the rest of the Lakers cruise to the franchise’s 13th NBA title. Amazingly, the Lakers were 15-1 in the 2001 playoffs. This is also the year where the rift between Kobe and Shaq started to rear its ugly head.

Tim Duncan (2x MVP)
DOB: April 25, 1976
In November of 1998, when Duncan was 22 years and 7 months old, he was waiting for the NBA season to begin. A lockout pushed the start of the campaign back to Feb. 5, 1999 and cut the number of games from 82 to 50. The Spurs finished the truncated regular season 37-13 as Duncan averaged 21.7 points a game. In the postseason, the Spurs rolled through the Western Conference and into the NBA Finals where they throttled the Knicks in 5 games. Duncan was brilliant in the Finals and garnered MVP honors. He averaged 27.4 points, 14.0 rebounds, 2.2 blocks, and 2.4 assists. It’s not MVP of the season, but it’s an MVP award nevertheless.

Kevin Durant (Future MVP)
DOB: Sept. 29, 1988
Kevin Durant didn’t receive any first place votes but he did finish fifth in MVP voting behind Rose. For the 2010-2011 season, Durant, who is five days older than Rose, led the league in scoring with 27.7 points a game. He also led his Oklahoma City Thunder to the Western Conference Finals. To get there, the Thunder had to get by a pesky Memphis Grizzlies team. Their hard fought second round series went seven games but the Thunder were finally able to advance thanks to Durant’s 39-point performance in the clincher. He’ll be older than 22 years and 7 months, but it’s only a matter of time before Durant wins an MVP award.

LeBron James (2 x MVP)
DOB: Dec. 30, 1984
LeBron James celebrated his 22nd and 7th month birthday at the end of July 2007. He was probably still smarting from his Cleveland Cavilers getting swept by the San Antonio Spurs in the 2007 NBA Finals. However, basketball fans were still relishing his performance in the Eastern Conference Finals. During that epic six-game series against the Detroit Pistons, James willed his Cavs to victory after falling into a 0-2 hole. The series’ zenith was Game 5. The Cavs won that thriller in overtime thanks to James’ amazing 48-point performance. James didn’t win any MVP awards that year but he did establish himself as one of the game’s best player.

Magic Johnson (3x MVP)
DOB: Aug. 14, 1959
It’s March of 1982. Magic Johnson is 22 years and 7 months and he’s busy leading the Los Angeles Lakers to another NBA title. Along the way to that championship, he’ll be named to the All-NBA Second Team and become the third NBA player to amass at least 700 points, 700 rebounds, and 700 assists in the same season. Oh yeah, he also won his second NBA Finals MVP Award. Get this, by the end of Johnson’s third season in the NBA he had already won two championship rings. Before the start of the aforementioned season, Johnson had signed a 25-year, $25 million deal with the Lakers—at the time it was the most lucrative contract in sports history. Then after the season started, Johnson got coach Paul Westhead fired. He was replaced by Pat Riley and the rest is history.

Michael Jordan (5x MVP)
DOB: Feb. 17, 1963
When Jordan crossed the 22-year, 7-month mark in September of 1985 he was basking in his Rookie of the Year award and getting ready for what would be a disastrous 1985-1986 season. In Chicago’s third game of the season Jordan would break his foot. Many thought his “Airness” would miss the entire season, but he returned after 64 games. While the season would result in his lowest scoring output as a Bull, just 22.7 points a game, and a first round sweep at the hands of the Celtics, it did produce one of those legendary Jordan moments. In Game 2 of the series (which took place in Boston and went into double overtime), Jordan scored 63 points to establish a single-game playoff scoring record.

Steve Nash (2x MVP)
DOB: Feb. 7, 1974
In September of 1996, Steve Nash was turning 22 years and 7 months and preparing for his first NBA season. He had just been selected by the Phoenix Suns with the 15th pick in the 1996 NBA Draft. Before that he led the Santa Clara Broncos to a first round upset over #7 seed Maryland in the NCAA Tournament. In his first season in the Association, Nash started just two games. He averaged 3.3 points and 2.1 assists. It would be awhile before Nash would play MVP-caliber ball.

Dirk Nowitzki (1x MVP)
DOB: June 19, 1978
When Dirk Nowitzki was 22 years and 7 months old it was January of 2001 and he was in the middle of his third NBA season. It was a breakout year for the German as it was the first time he averaged more than 20 points (21.8) and more than nine rebounds (9.2) a game. When it was all said and done, Nowitzki was named to the All-NBA Third Team. In the playoffs, Nowitzki led Dallas to a first round victory over the Utah Jazz before getting dispatched by the San Antonio Spurs. Still, it was the first time the Mavs qualified for the postseason since 1990 and the first time they won a playoff series since 1988.

Shaquille O’Neal (1x MVP)
DOB: March 6, 1972
In October of 1994, Shaquille O’Neal turned 22 years and 7 months and was beginning his third NBA season. He was coming off a year where he averaged 29.3 points a game. He would duplicate that mark exactly in the upcoming 1994-1995 season. In the 1995 NBA Playoffs, Shaq led the Orlando Magic all the way to the Finals where they were swept by the Houston Rockets. But who cares about all that stuff? Earlier in 1994 Shaq’s made his cinematic debut in the movie “Blue Chips.” Then in November, when Shaq was 22 years and 8 months old, he released his second album, “Shaq Fu: Da Return.” “Most valuable player” more like “most valuable performer.”

Chicago’s Navy Pier: A Destination For Tourists & Locals

It sounds like a place you’d go when you want to buy a polo shirt for $9.99. But it’s actually the Midwest’s number one tourist attraction hosting nearly 9 million visitors a year. I am of course talking about the world famous Navy Pier.

The Chicago landmark is situated on Lake Michigan, east of the Windy City’s downtown area. The 3,300 foot long pier, in the shape of a rectangle and running west to east, is home to a variety of entertainment attractions, thrill rides, exhibition facilities, restaurants, and retail shops. The pier is free to visit although most of the attractions mentioned in this article require an admission fee. You’ll also need to pay for parking.

One of the pier’s most visible attractions is its 150 foot-high Ferris wheel. Operating year-around, this amusement ride is modeled after the very first Ferris wheel which was constructed for the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition held in Chicago. A ride on the Navy Pier’s Ferris wheel takes about seven minutes.

Other big-time attractions at the pier include the Chicago Children’s Museum, the Chicago Shakespeare Theater, the Pepsi Skyline Stage, the Landshark Beer Garden, Crystal Gardens, the Smith Museum of Stained Glass Windows, and the Amazing Chicago’s Funhouse Maze.

They don’t call Navy Pier a “pier” for nothing. It’s an actual working pier on Lake Michigan; you’ll find moored boats there and everything. It’s also the launching point for speedboat rides, sightseeing tours, and dinner cruises. It doesn’t matter if you want to explore Lake Michigan or the Chicago River, it doesn’t matter if you want to cruise in luxury or take a causal jaunt on the waves, there’s a charter for every whim at Navy Pier.

The entrance to Navy Pier is framed by Gateway Park. This 19-acre park not only welcomes visitors to the pier but it provides a buffer between vehicles and pedestrians. Gateway Park’s main attraction is a large computerized foundation created by the same team that created the Fountains of Bellagio at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.

The first section of Navy Pier is the Family Pavilion. This area is home to the aforementioned 50,000-square-foot Children’s Museum and the awe-inspiring Crystal Gardens—a six-story glass atrium that houses more than 70 full-size palm trees. The Family Pavilion also contains several restaurants and retail shops.

The next section is called Pier Park and it’s home to the previously mentioned Ferris wheel, a musical carousel, a swing ride, remote control boats, the Light Tower Ride, and an 18-hole miniature golf course. Additionally, Pier Park is where you’ll find the 1,500-seat Pepsi Skyline Stage. This venue hosts a number of concerts and events in the spring and summer.

Running alongside Pier Park is Dock Street. This area is only open to walkers, bicyclists, and joggers. Here you’ll find retail shops and restaurants as well as the Funhouse Maze and the Shakespeare Theater. This is a great place to come and people-watch. On select nights during the summer Dock Street puts on an exciting fireworks display.

East of both Pier Park and Dock Street is Festival Hall. This facility is designed to host exhibitions, trade shows, conferences, receptions, and art shows. It has more than 170,000 square feet of exhibit space which can be split into two sections. This area of Navy Pier is also where you’ll find the Museum of Stained Glass and the Dock Street Café.

At pier’s eastern-most tip, is the East End. Visitors come here for breathtaking views of the skyline and the lakefront. This historic part of Navy Pier is great for picnics and strolls. It’s also home to the Grand Ballroom. That facility opened in 1916 and is still a popular banquet and exhibition space. The main feature of this historic building is its 80-foot doomed ceiling.

The Grand Ballroom opened in 1916 along with the rest of Navy Pier. It was built for $4.5 million with construction beginning in 1914. From the very beginning, Navy Pier was used as both an active dock and a place for the public to gather and be entertained. In the days before air-conditioning, the Pier was literally a cool place to hangout.

During World War I, the pier housed soldiers, Home Defense units, and the Red Cross. The vital role the pier played in World War I led to it being officially named “Navy Pier” in 1927.

The public began recreating at Navy Pier more and more in the 1930’s. That ended however when World War II broke out and the U.S. Navy leased the pier to use as a training ground for sailors and pilots. One of most famous pilots to be trained during this time was President George H.W. Bush.

In the 1950’s, the Pier once again returned to being a recreation and entertainment destination for tourists and Chicago residents. During this era, the pier averaged more than 3 million visitors a year.

From the mid-1960’s until the end of the 1980’s, the pier was vastly underused. That changed when the Metropolitan Pier and Exposition Authority took over the facility in 1989. They made major renovations to just about every aspect of the pier and eventually sculpted the site into what it is today.

Before visiting Navy Pier, ChicagoSmarts recommends that you check with their Web site for hours of operation (especially for particular attractions), admission prices, and the best places to park.

Navy Pier is one of those rare destinations that are both appealing to tourists and to residents. It’s unique enough to draw visitors from out-of-town but possesses enough charm and character to attract life-long Chicagoans.

Upcoming Events at Chicago’s United Center

The United Center has a full calendar of events scheduled for 2011. This year, the 20,000-plus seat arena is set to host big time concerts, major sporting events, and high quality family entertainment. The world renowned venue, also known as “The UC” or “The Madhouse on Madison,” is Chicagoland’s premiere indoor arena.

You’ll find the United Center in Chicago’s Near West Side neighborhood on 1901 West Madison Street. The venue is home to the Chicago Bulls of the NBA and the Chicago Blackhawks of the NHL. Since opening its doors in 1994 concert tickets have been sold to several big name touring acts including U2, Dave Matthews Band, Rod Stewart, Stevie Nicks, Tom Petty, and Beyoncé. The arena also sells event tickets to WWE shows, Professional Bull Riders, and Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

To prevent you from missing any of the great live entertainment scheduled to take place at the United Center, ChicagoSmarts has listed, in an easy-to-read format, all the games, concerts, and shows found on its calendar. These can’t-miss events range from Bulls games to Cirque Du Soleil performances to Disney on Ice shows to rock and pop concerts. Due to the popularity of the arena, and the popularity of the events, ChicagoSmarts recommends procuring United Center tickets as soon as possible.


Possibly Until June 16
Chicago Bulls in the NBA Playoffs

The Chicago Bulls have the best record in the Association and will have home court advantage throughout the NBA Playoffs and the NBA Finals. League MVP Derrick Rose will try to lead his team past the Indiana Pacers in the first round and then the Orlando Magic or the Atlanta Hawks in the second. If the Bulls make it all the way to the NBA Finals the latest Game 7 will be played is June 16.


Possibly Until June 17
Chicago Blackhawks in the NHL Playoffs

The defending champions have an uphill battle against the number one seed Vancouver Canucks. While it looks like the Chicago Blackhawks will be dispatched early from the NHL Playoffs you should never underestimate the heart of a champion. If the Blackhawks somehow manage to defeat the Canucks and then reach the Stanley Cup Finals, a game seven would be played no later than June 17.


June 15
Rihanna

Rihanna brings her red hot “Loud Tour 2011″ to the United Center on June 15. Your Rihanna tickets get you more than just a set from the Barbadian R&B star, they also get you a set from special guest, singer Cee Lo Green. The Grammy Award winner is touring with Rihanna to support his latest album, “The Lady Killer.” Opening for both superstars is Roc Nation rapper J. Cole.


June 17 – 18
NKOTBSB

NKOTBSB stands for New Kids on the Block (NKOTB) and Backstreet Boys (BSB). The legendary boy bands will play two consecutive nights at the United Center starting June 17. The singing groups decided to launch a tour together after a surprise and very well received performance of “I Want It That Way” at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. NKOTBSB opening act is American Idol winner Jordin Sparks.


June 20
Peter Gabriel

Peter Gabriel’s “New Blood Tour” is sure to be one of the most unique Chicago tickets of the year. The former Genesis front man is touring with the 46-piece New Blood Orchestra—an orchestra completely devoid of rock and roll instruments (no drums, no guitars). Gabriel will perform his classic hits as well as some deep cuts from his extensive catalog of music. All of the songs on Gabriel’s set list have been reworked especially for this tour.


June 30 – July 31
Cirque Du Soleil’s OVO

Come check out Ovo, a classic Cirque Du Soleil show, during its month-long engagement under the Grand Chapiteau. To put it another way, the show takes place in a big tent that’s set up in one of the United Center’s parking lots. Ovo is set in the wonderful world of insects and is all about movement. The soundtrack for this fantastic contemporary circus was inspired by the music of Brazil.


July 8
Britney Spears

Originally, your Britney Spears tickets would have gotten you a set from Britney and a set from Enrique Iglesias. Unfortunately for Iglesias fans, the Latin crooner dropped out hours after the tour was officially announced. Spears replaced Enrique with hip hop star Nicki Minaj. The “Femme Fatale Tour” comes to Chicago and the United Center on July 8. Britney is supporting her latest album, 2011’s “Femme Fatale.”


July 13
Josh Groban

Despite selling Josh Groban tickets to big arenas like the United Center, the American vocalist is aiming for a more intimate setting. Therefore, he’ll employ a variety of production techniques to make large venues feel more like cozy theaters. Also, expect him to have more interaction with the audience. Groban’s “Straight To You World Tour” visits Chicago on July 13. Opening duties will be performed by jazz pianist Eric Lewis.


August 5 – 7
Sade

The unmistakable sound of Sade comes to the United Center for a three night stand beginning in early August. Sade is out on the road supporting their sixth studio album, “Solider of Love.” Joining the legendary 1980’s R&B band is Grammy Award winner John Legend. Sade broke onto the music scene in 1984 with the release of “Diamond Life.” That opus, as well as their next four releases, peaked inside the Top 10 of the Billboard 200.


September 7 – 11
Disney On Ice presents Mickey and Minnie’s Magical Journey

This September, Disney on Ice: Mickey and Minnie’s Magical Journey comes to Chicago for a five-day run at the United Center. This Disney on Ice show stars Mickey and Minnie as they journey to the worlds of The Lion King, The Little Mermaid, Lilo & Stitch, and Peter Pan. This family-friendly adventure runs nightly with an 11:30am and 3:30pm matinee on Sept. 10 (Saturday) and Sept. 11 (Sunday). The 7:00pm ice show on Sunday will be performed in Spanish.